Drowning

My pain is constant. It is, but it’s not that simple

At low tide, I can still hear the oceans dull roar and feel the waves crashing, they’re knocking me down but I can get back up. Yet I am not drowning, I’m keeping my head above the water. 

At high tide those same waves, previously survivable, become violent and overwhelming, pinning me against the rocks, crashing over me relentlessly until I can’t breathe, 

just as I feel I might be able to get my head above water they come again, crushing me again and again so I can’t even catch a breath, not one. 

When the tide is low, I live in terror, knowing all I can do is helplessly wait for the waves to swallow me again, maybe this next time there will be no low tide to save me from the agony that it brings. Maybe this time will be the time I drown…

-Giusiana